I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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