she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
