If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
