You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
