A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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