I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
