You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
