Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
