this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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