duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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