Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
