Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
