It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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