well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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