You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
