The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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