I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
