Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
