you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
