she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
