i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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