oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
