Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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