I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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