I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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