Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
