I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
