my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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