maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
