i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
