Soap is not a condiment
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
