Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
