your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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