What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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