i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
