Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
