Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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