Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
