i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
