Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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