Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
