watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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