If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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