guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
