So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
