that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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