Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
