So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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