Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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