Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dignity is for republicans.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
