I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
