Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
