i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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