My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
